Things I hate about myself.

P.S: I don't know how to upload picture from my Ipad to blogger so there'll be no picture in this post. 

Have you ever hate yourself so much that you asked God and yourself endless times why were you even born into this world? Into a world which constantly wouldn't stop judging you. No matter what you do in life, everyone of us will judge and be judged regardless our race, personality, looks or wealth. 

Why? Beats me.

1) My WEIGHT. 
I'm a girl and you can't blame me for being insecure with my weight. Every girl would feel insecure about it. Trust me. Go out and simply ask a girl about her weight and she'll give you a face and a couple of seconds to answer your question. 

I seem to be gaining weight with no fail for the past few years and I feeling so down about it. I used to judge girls who feels this way about their size and weight years back but now I'm judging myself so badly about it. I only started to feel this way since last year when my friends compare my 2009 picture and 2013 picture. I can see the difference a lot and that depresses me more than what you think. 

It was also when my relatives told me that I was gaining weight too. Dang. That really felt like a sharp razor piercing through my already wounded heart.

I did home workouts and ran almost 4-5times a week for about a month and I stopped because of my period. (I don't like working out during period) stopped for a week and you know that kind of feeling after stopping for so long you won't feel like starting again. And it drag and drag and drag till I cried one day to my mum telling her I don't want to go out cause I feel so fat. I felt that way because the tops and bottoms that I used to wear felt tight. It felt so horrible feeling that way. Someone please help me get back to my positive side. ): I'm started my workout again yesterday and I hope I wouldn't give up so fast.

I promised my friends, just give me three months. Let me do something about it. I'm not gonna give up and I would also like to see the change in myself. Flat stomach here I come. 

2) ATTITUDE.
I am someone who is short temper and I can throw tantrum wherever and whenever. Most of you would not think Gladys as a stuck up person but sorry I'm really stuck up sometimes. If you're one of my best friends or my close relative, you should have seen my stuck up attitude a couple of times. Yes, I'm someone who sociable, friendly and nice but stuck up attitude is still somewhere in me. 

I wished I would be able to change the way I am short temper. I tried and I tried but whenever I get short temper at some trivial matter, I would feel damn guilty and just isolate myself some corner and just cry. Sounds like I have some major depression but I'm perfectly normal. 

Sometimes I wonder to myself, with such attitude like this why am I still able to get into the school's student council. Maybe that's what people call two face? I don't know. Being once  a student council, I would even talk back more rudely to my teachers. Because of that I had to be send to the disciplinary room once. Thank god is once though. HhahahahHa. Oh well, old times. 

Hope I'll be able to change my attitude!!!!

3) Venting Anger On Best Friends. 
OMG, this, is one of worst thing. Because if my attitude, whenever I get angry I would just vent it on my best friends. It's not on purpose it's just whenever they ask me something, I would reply it back in a super nasty tone. A tone that nobody would like it. Thats where arguments would start to occur and nasty relationship between us. And it's entirely my fault. My best friends don't deserve this kind of treatment from me.  

If you're wondering who are that friends, they are my school clique. Of course not outside clique. Elizabeth would definitely get pissed but she'll find ways to calm me down but not scold me back of course. She would tell me where I'm wrong and whenever she tells me off, she is one person I'll never get mad at. She just talk so much sense. I seldom text Natellie and Yuying though. HAHAHAH oops. 

But honestly friends, if you're reading this right now, I'm sincerely apologizing to you girls for every time in vent in on you girls. Especially Suyun, Charlene, Grace, Dilys and ShuYing. Sorry but you know I love you still. 

4) Laziness.
I AM ALWAYS A LAZY PERSON. Okay full stop. That's all I'm a super lazy person and I don't know how to help myself that either. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm always lazy to reply people texts oops.